Maui Wowie

So here's the start: I am in Tel Aviv! I have been in Israel for almost three weeks, one of which I spent in Jerusalem. This city has a million upsides and one downside: It is way way too hot. I don't think its been under 80% humidity and 90 degrees since I arrived. But, counteracting that, is everything else. Incredible shops. Out of this world food. Biking, sightseeing, nightlife, every industry imaginable. And the beach! Oh, the beach. The Tel Aviv beach is God's gift to the Jews: The destruction of two temples, two thousand years of diaspora and persecution; Have a beach filled with the most beautiful women in the world where your only competition is balding nubishy jewish men and arseim (arseim are Israeli guidos).

In short, it's like this:

Hertzel said (paraphrased): "The dream of Zionism with be truly realized when Jewish johns are soliciting Jewish prostitutes and being arrested by Jewish cops." Tel Aviv is that place.

I live on the corner of Hamasger and Yitzak Sede which is a great location if you're A) a businessman who loves Shendu, the strip club across the street (pictures of the view from my window forthcoming) or B) a girl working at Shendu. Not so great for a well muscled (getting HY-YOJ) 20-something with aspirations of Jet-Setting. Oh man, was there ever housing drama, and was it every hilarious.

The plus side is its proximity to Rechov Ha'Arbah (Fourth Street) which is home to many fine eateries and beveriaries (I just made that word up, it means "places to get drunk"). One such establishment, The King George, will be the subject of my first review, forthcoming shortly.

Such is the overview of the beginning of my new life at GMT +3 (+4?). Alas, I must away to the beach for a delightful holiday potluck set to the sounds of Fleet Foxes and crashing surf. But fear not, Dear Readers, I shall return soonest and, better yet, with pictures!